Smells Like Rotten Smurfberries
by Nigel Yearning
Summary: When Handy Smurf comes in to clean the village sewage tank, he got more than he bargain for. Bodily Functions, Humor, Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters**

**Claimer: I only own characters that are "NOT" in the Smurfs comic, tv series, and movie.**

Handy Smurf was putting on a enclosed bio-hazard suit, things are going to get a lot messy for this smurf. In fact, it is the worse place for a smurf to be in the Smurf Village. "Why does the Septic Tank have to break?" he asked himself as he gathers up the necessary tools.

The Septic Tank had somehow filled up and clogged rather too fast, he was going to go down into the tank and secure a hose on a ring at the bottom so it would be pumped out the sewage into another tank. The sewage is then dehydrated for water and then the dried up smurf crap will then be used as fertilizer for Farmer Smurf, how sick can you get?

When Handy Smurf approached the manhole to the septic tank, sure enough it was starting to overflow with smurf crap. He takes a crowbar and removes the manhole, liquified fecal matter soon spilled out. The smell of Rotten Smurfberries began to take over the air, when Puppy smelled it he calmly walked out of the village to avoid the smell.

"Oh wow," thought Handy to himself as he grabbed the nearby hose, "Oh smurf, we need to get a bigger septic tank. Who is filling the septic tank this fast?"

He soon jumped into the septic tank, causing crap to splash everywhere. It was difficult to see through the fecal matter so he has to rely on memory on where the smurf the hose attached to, when he found the ring he screwed the hose right into it. He then come out of the septic tank, covered head to toe in crap, and turns on the pump he built to suck up all the crap.

He wipes away the feces off of his mask and watched as the brown liquid is sucked out of the septic tank through the translucent hose, the hose traveled across the village into Farmer Smurf's garden where it is then poured into a above ground tank for dehydration later. Just as the tank was half empty he looked down through the open manhole and see's sewage being poured into the tank from a underground pipe.

"Smurf, no one is supposed to be using the toilet at this time." said Handy to himself, "Man it's pouring fast, who is using the bathroom in an emergency?"

Across the village, Greedy Smurf was taking a major dump in his crapper. He happened to ate to much Prunes and the stuff prevents his gall bladder from releasing a chemical that causes his poo to stick, this resulted in a bad case of diarrhea.

"Oh smurf, someone help me!" he cried as he defecates in pain, "Whooo! Whoooo!"

After flushing it a forth time, he clogged the toilet and it build up within the pipes. It soon take in enough pressure that it shot back up the toilet and blast Greedy off of it, sending him crashing through the wall outside with his pants down. The back flow then traveled down the pipe in lightning fast speed back into the septic tank and shot out crap right into Handy's face, thanks to the bio-hazard suit he was only angry not hurt.

"Smurf the bad design," cursed Handy, "Just smurfing great, why not we install a bigger tank and have Farmer Smurf suck up the crap instead of me!"

It wasn't long before another pipe pumped crap into the tank, this one was coming from Smurfette's house. She was dumping Baby Smurf's used diapers down the toilet and flushing after eating Greedy's Prune Cake, there was only 8 used diapers but that's enough to cause problems for the septic tank. She flushed them down the toilet and it traveled down into the tank, somehow something in the diapers caused the crap to boil.

The crap shoots out at Handy again, this time with more force that knocked him off his feet. It showered crap everywhere and it ended up on the nearby Mushroom Houses, when Handy got up he noticed brown bubbles coming out of the septic tank. They were filled with Methane, a flammable greenhouse gas. This caused them to float up into the sky, and they were the size of smurf beach balls.

Finally, the last straw. Papa Smurf rushed to his crapper and was glued onto his seat, the smurfberries must be rotten this year. "This is bad," he muttered. When he finished, he flushed the toilet. The crap traveled down the pipe and was dumped into the septic tank, for some reason it caused a spark and explodes. Shooting crap straight up into the air awhile sending Handy airborne, he was literally blown out of his bio-hazard suit before landing into the septic tank.

When he climbed out, he was covered head to toe in smurf fecal matter and now he smelled like rotten smurfberries. The septic tank was finally empty so he turned off the pump and walked back to his house to take a shower steaming with anger and odor, the shower and shampoo did little to remove the smell.

Meanwhile, some fecal matter landed in Farmer Smurf's garden. Since it wasn't refined, it affect the soil in a strange way. Worse, it was harvest season. Farmer Smurf harvest the vegetables and Smurfberries and sent them to Greedy Smurf to have them cooked, luckily Greedy washed his hands and he cleans the vegetables and cooked them perfectly.

When dinner arrived, Handy wisely sat next to Stinky Smurf at the mess hall thinking that the sewage smell would be covered up by him. It didn't work and he is still a little mad. When dinner was served, everyone started eating. During dinner, he heard comments that made his blood begin to boil. "Why does this food taste like rotten smurfberries?" asked Vanity.

"Taste like crap," said Hefty, "I'm rating this Number 2."

"This tasted like poo alright, but it tasted great for me." said Sloppy, "Like Handy in the septic tank."

"Oh I wish they would shut up." muttered Handy under his breath.

Suddenly, everyone stopped eating and looked at each other. They soon got up and rushed over to the bathroom, they looked for whatever toilet that is available and defecated in all their might down the crappers. Handy just sat there for a moment, then he calmly got up and walked outside where no one can see him let out all of his rage. He swore, cursed, cussed, and stomped like a human being. When Papa Smurf tried to intervene, he saw Handy ripping a large smurfberry bush out of the ground and tossed it across the smurf village.

Without saying anything Papa Smurf walked backwards until he's out of sight, then without warning the septic tank burst in half. It shot smurf crap in all directions and one giant glob of poo clobbered Handy, his head stuck out and he screamed, "I'm not pissed off! I'm pissed on!"

**THE END**


End file.
